In Her Own Time

Sheena put on her favorite army green shirtdress, beat up black military boots and tied a black bandana into her jet black hair. She lined her eyes thick with black liner and applied deep red lipstick to complete her edgy look. “Good enough” she said to her reflection as she grabbed her canvas bag and keys. She headed toward the bookstore where Jack was working, her mind loaded with bullets she was ready to aim at him. It had been 3 full days since he told her he needed a break and she heard from a mutual friend that he was flirting with a waitress at the cafe next to the bookstore.

She reached the bookstore just before noon, parking in the narrow street was frustratingly full with everyone flooding the cafe for their quick and tasty sandwiches and pastries on their lunch break. She found a parking spot behind the cafe, in an alleyway lined with maple trees showing off their beautiful fall colors. She looked toward the bookstore and realized that Jack was probably on his lunch break by now, and if the rumors were true, he was probably in the cafe flirting with that waitress. Sheena got out of the car and headed toward the cafe with venom pumping through her veins.

Inside the door she was greeted warmly by a plain looking girl with stringy dishwater blond hair. She was pale and looked exhausted despite the crisp fall air filtering through screened windows. “Table or takeout, Sweetie?” Sheena scanned the room looking for Jack. The smells and crowd were making her disoriented so she spoke without thought, “Umm, table please.” Her confidence began to waiver as she realized this all had the potential to make her look like a fool.

She chose a table in the back, now regretting her decision to come, and a middle aged waitress came to take her order. “We have a hearty vegetable soup, hand carved turkey sandwiches and peach cobbler on special today. Would you like some time with the menu?”

Gaining her confidence again she said, “No, I’ll take the special with an iced tea. You must get pretty busy with the bookstore employees coming overy for lunch, huh?”

“Actually, most of these folks are from the factory downtown. Ever since Lou Lou’s diner closed they have to drive over here to get homemade food. Those good folks at the bookstore have come in from time to time, they are organizing a fundraising drive for Sarah over there.” She nodded toward the pale waitress who welcomed her when she arrived.

“What kind of fundraiser?” Sheena pried.

Her waitress leaned in and whispered “Cancer. Leukemia. She’s pretty sick and those hospital bills are so high she’d need to find a millionaire to pay them for her. I’ll go put your order in Hon.”

Sheena felt herself sink in her chair. That was the waitress Jack was supposedly flirting with. Maybe he didn’t know. She flipped the thoughts over and over inside her head and couldn’t find a way to feel mad about the situation anymore. Sad and confused? Yes! And ashamed for being so mad and having such horrible thoughts about Jack that she was ready to embarrass herself in public over it. She wondered again if Jack knew about the cancer.

“Here you go sweetie, iced tea tall and sweet. The rest will be out soon.”

Sheena looked out the cafe window toward the bookstore. Just last week she was there browsing book titles she had looked at hundreds of times. Jack, the cerebral type, always pressuring her to read lofty books wherein she would learn worldly things. To him, using big words and impressing people with knowledge were of utmost importance in life and he liked to remind her of how most people wasted their brain cells on watcthing sports and drinking beer or watching ridiculous TV shows to try and compensate for the fact that their lives were meaningless. Sheena didn’t like the way he looked at her when he said things like that. Still, the moments in between the judgments were sweet and she craved his company even though it didn’t alwaus feel as good as she wished it did.

“You are going to love this soup and sandwich Sweetie,” the waitress said, setting down her food. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

She snapped her attention back to the cage and looked at all the food she’d ordered despite not really feeling hungry. As she moved her spoon around inside the cup of soup she watched the sick waitress. She was talking with some of the factory workers and you could see the pity on ttheir faces. From time to time they woold laugh together at something she said, but she just looked worn out. Sheena began to feel really bad for her. Shouldn’t she be home resting instead of here working the lunch rush at one of the busiest places in town? She looked back out the window, thinking about what it must be like to know you are going to die young.

“Hi! You’re Jack’s girlfriend, right?”

Sheena quickly looked at the person behind the question. It was the waitress. Sheena fumbled for words, Uh…not so much…well I was…we’re taking a break.” She managed to get it out, blushing.

“I’m Becca. Jack was really great about organizing the fundraiser for my treatment. You’ve got a great guy there. And he always talked about you and how he felt he could marry you some day. You guys are so great together.” She forced a tired smile onto dry, cracked lips.

“I’m sorry you are sick.” Sheena said, imimmediately feeling like an idiot for bringing it up.

“I’ve made my peace with this life and wwhatever comes next” she said maintaining her calm smile. “Well it’s nice to formally meet you.” She waved as she began walking away.

“Thank you!” Sheena yelled after her, not really sure why. She began to think about Jack and the idea of marrying someone who made her feel bad about herself so often and suddenly she lost any desire to speak any of her mind to him. Maybe she needed the break much more than he did; time to sort out her own thoughts separate from his.

She packaged up her food, paid and headded out the back door to the alleyway, kicking the colorful leaves as they surrounded her boots.

“Why are you here?” Jack’s voice ripped through the crisp air.

She held up her leftovers in their styrofoam boxes, “Best turkey sandwiches in town.” She said, slipping into the driver’s seat without making eye contact. “Bye Jack.” She pulled out, ignoring his shouting, turning her music up loud and laughing at how the situation flipped as she sped away. “Wahoooo!” She walloped as she sped away feeling really free for the first time.