Frozen in Fall

It was just this time of year, she remembered, the crisp orange sea of sensory bliss crunching beneath their feet, breath frozen in air. She watched the late fall sun envelope him as he laughed with ease as their conversation. Distracted by his strong hands, perfect situated hair and the smell of his cologne trailing behind him, she followed him through the woods lost in thoughts of being brave and kissing him. She studied him in awe and measured herself unfairly by some invisible standards she imagined he required. This twisted game she played inside her head kept her tortured and unfulfilled for years. He knew how she felt and still she waited for him to act on it but he didn’t. That day drenched in golden sun was but another piece of an extensive collection of memories that meant so much to her but offered nothing more than a few hours companionship. Tea and talking with just a goodnight hug after; a movie without holding hands; walks in the park then off to separate lives. She moved away just to stop her self-inflicted torture and eventually found someone who did take the lead. They both Married, different cities, different lives and she thought of him from time to time but she was happy in her marriage.

He remembered her smile that cool fall day, the way she watched him speak, he hair pulled back exposing her soft neck that he longed to kiss. He brought her on the walk in the woods for a quiet place to tell her how he feels, or even show her, but she was too pretty in this light and he lost his nerve. She would never stay with a guy like me. I don’t have the right car or house to get a girl like her. He left the woods that day feeling tortured too. When she moved away he visited her once, he wanted to tell her how he felt but she was so confident and happy with her new place, he just didn’t feel he could give her more happiness than she seemed to have at the moment. He felt like he lost the chance so they left with a hug and stayed away. He started dating and while he fell for a nice girl, a part of him wondered what it could have been like if he took a chance on the girl he let go.

Years later they found each other on social media, both fairly quiet but they shared casual interaction, just enough to keep the other one on the tip of the mind, every once in a while. Can a click of a button or an added emoji or meme really convey all a heart can hold? Probably not, she thought. She noticed him and cherished their memories and still considered him a good friend. He felt the same. They pined for the memories, for simpler times and good laughs, back in the days when staying up talking all night was easy. The energy between them was thick like the air on that fall afternoon.